An Awkward Topic
by raargrr
Summary: Post Into Darkness. Alternating POV between Kirk and Spock. Spock and Kirk always risk their lives and often the lives of the whole crew to save each other. Spock comes to terms with his feelings for Kirk after Uhura has enough and breaks up with him. It is all very awkward for Spock because it's a topic that is very new to him. He tries flirting but Kirk is oblivious.
1. In the Mind of the Captain -- Savior

_**In the mind of the Captain… **_

My eyes burned with the sudden transition from darkness to bright light. I sprinted out of the vault door, nearly tripping. The Ospirans were close behind. I've been running for God knows how long from those bastards carrying the unconscious Vulcan in my arms. As a sacrifice to their god, the Ospirans planned to kill Spock. The Ospirans stay in underground vaults, so I had been searching for hours beneath the ground. I was panting. My legs and arms felt so weak. I could hear the Ospirans shouting in their alien language dangerously close. Just when I felt my legs were about to give out I was suddenly beaming up to the Enterprise.

"Captain!" exclaimed Scotty, showing both his concern and his joy that Spock and I were beamed aboard safely. "The captain and Mister Spock have been beamed aboard safely" Scotty said into his telecommunicator.

In heavy breaths I set Spock on the ground, just before my vision went black and I collapsed to the ground.

When I came to, I found myself in bed in sickbay. I shifted slightly and winced from pain. I was incredibly sore from the events of yesterday. Even the slightest movement brought pain to my muscles. I looked over at the bed adjacent from me and saw Spock asleep. Feeling happy and proud that I returned him to the Enterprise safely, a small smile formed on my lips. I couldn't imagine proceeding in the five year mission without my first officer.

"Oh look. Sleeping Beauty is finally awake." said Bones as he approached my bed. "How do you feel?" he asked.

"I feel fine. Muscles are pretty sore though." I replied as Bones wrote on his clipboard.

"That's to be expected after what all you did yesterday."

I nodded in agreement.

"As for Spock," he gestured towards Spock with the hand he was holding the pencil with. "He regained consciousness for a while. He seems fine for the most part except fatigue. Both of you should remain in sick bay for at least twenty-four hours. That is, unless you're too sore to function as captain then." I heard him say '_Drama queen' _under his breathe and I smiled slightly.

"Yeah I'll be fine."

The next day I was released from sickbay and as expected I was still very sore but well enough to function. I entered the bridge and reclaimed my seat in the captain's chair. I glanced over at Spock a few times and was glad he seemed perfectly normal. The day went on as any usual day. At one point Spock approached me.

"Captain, may I have a word?" he said.

"Shoot." I replied.

He looked at me quizzically. Vulcans and their damn logical straight-forward thinking.

"Go on I mean." I said, correcting myself. It was hard to guess Spock's thoughts, him being a Vulcan and all. But at this moment I can imagine him thinking '_Human slang is most peculiar_'.

"I would like to give you my most gratitude for once again saving my life." he said.

My thoughts went back to the time I saved him from the volcano on Nibiru. I had gotten in lots of trouble for that and even got the Enterprise taken away, but that didn't stop me from continuing to save his life countless times. Even he had saved my life plenty of times.

"No problem, Spock. That's what best friends are for."

Spock had given me a look that I had often seen before. It was the closest form of a smile I had ever seen from him. His mouth twitched upwards in the very slightest way. The look in his eyes also showed his small spark of emotion, something I so often tried to get out of him in a teasing way and always failed at. The look quickly disappeared and Spock returned to his station. Being best friends with an emotionless, pointy-eared, logic-obsessed alien isn't as frustrating as it may seem.

As the day came to an end I was walking down the corridor to my quarters. Just before I got to the door Bones approached me.

"Jim." he said. He was about to say something but I interrupted.

"Listen Bones, I'm tired and I'm ready for bed."

He gave me an annoyed look and I sighed.

"Okay, what do you want?" I said, giving in.

"Well, the relationship between you and Spock. It's unhealthy."

I gave him an odd look. What the hell is he talking about?

"'_Relationship'?" _Seriously, what the fuck?

"No, I mean relationship as in friendship. Not…" he stopped mid-sentence and let out a frustrated sigh. "Look. What I'm trying to say is you guys have an odd friendship where you almost die for him and he almost dies for you! Hell Jim, at times you risk the lives of the whole crew!" Bones exclaimed.

He was seriously getting on my nerves. "So? I don't want people to die! Why wouldn't I put effort into sparing the lives of all of my crew?" I said, waving a hand into the air.

"Would you do the same for just any red shirt? Obviously not."

I didn't reply. I gave him a glare, mostly out of grumpiness because he is depriving me of my sleep and I don't have time for this useless argument.

"All I'm saying is I see you two in sickbay more than anyone else. Always at the same time and always for the same reason. Be more cautious. I don't need any more red and green blood to have to have cleaned up after you guys." He said just before walking away.

Thank god. Now I can finally get my beauty sleep. You never know when you might meet a fine girl and I will need to look my best.

It was about a month later. We were to observe a planet in which I couldn't even pronounce. The landing party consisted of Spock, Bones and I. We were greeted by a beautiful woman with hair that was an alarming shade of red and orange eyes. She wore a short dress that was red and orange. Well, it wasn't hard to guess what her favorite color was.

"I have been ordered by Nika, the ruler of our world, to inform you that you are welcome. She wishes to be introduced to you but she is quite busy at the moment." She said.

I smiled kindly. "I'm Kirk and this is Dr. Leonard McCoy and Spock." I held out a hand for a handshake but she only looked at it. Maybe physical contact here is impolite?

She smiled anyways in a kind manner. "Come." she said, turning to walk the opposite direction in which she came from. We followed as told.

We entered a rather large castle. It was very old looking and there were large statues of phoenix-like birds everywhere. I was expecting to see other people but the castle was empty. The woman led us down some halls and to a room with a large table that could seat about twenty.

"Wait here until Nika has resolved her business. I will return when she orders me to." she said before walking out of the room, the door closing behind her.

"You would expect others around here, wouldn't you?" I asked.

"I had not seen any other life forms on our way here, and the tricorder only detects four." Spock said.

"Strange." said Bones, sitting in a chair and taking some grapes from the bowl in the center of the table. Spock and I sat down as well. Something odd was happening on this planet and I wanted to find out.

After a while the red haired woman returned. "Nika is ready for introductory. However, she wishes to first meet only the captain." she said.

I looked over at Spock and Bones, then back at the woman. "Alright."

I walked toward her and she walked away, leading me to wherever this Niko character is. I once again followed her down many hallways until we entered a large room. We walked in and the door slammed down behind us. I was confused to see that it was completely empty besides the woman and myself.

"So uh… Where is Niko?" I asked.

She smiled. It wasn't like the smile she gave me before. This one was rather dark and grim. She laughed at me.

"What's so funny?" I asked. Maybe I did something? You never know when you are on a foreign planet.

"You have surprised me, Captain Kirk. You really lack intellect." she said and rose her head a bit, displaying her ego and confidence. How rude. I didn't say anything. Maybe it was a joke?

"I am Niko, dumbass. I am the ruler and this is _my _planet. I am the only one here."

I was dumbfounded. "What happened to the others?"

"I was sent to this planet in exile. The former people of this planet all perished long ago before I was even born. I am a criminal on my home planet and I cannot leave here. But now I can with my new ship."

I was utterly confused. "your '_new ship'_?"

"The U.S.S Enterprise, of course." she replied. "And how exactly do you plan on taking it?" I asked.

She lifted her arms and they burst into flames. Her hair flew as if someone placed a fan in front of her. I quickly took out my phaser but when I pulled the trigger nothing came out.

"You blundering idiot. That doesn't work here." she said with a laugh.

I ran to the door but it wouldn't open. She continued laughing.

She could have killed me already. She was toying with me. I got out my telecommunicator but as expected it wasdisconnected.

"Bones! Spock! Help!" I yelled. Her laughing only got louder.

Suddenly she turned into what looked like a fireball. Her whole body burst into flames. It looked as if someone dumped gasoline on her and lit a match.

Then I heard thumping on the door. There were shouts. "Jim!" It was Spock and Bones. I don't know how they possibly knew what was happening. Where the room they were at was far away, so they couldn't have heard my screams. I didn't understand, but I was grateful.

Then all I could see was red. That's all I remember.


	2. In the Mind of the Vulcan -- Confusion

_**In the mind of the Vulcan…**_

I once again found myself in sickbay. I had pulled the captain out of a fire. The woman responsible had mysteriously vanished. Most curious. The captain, Dr. McCoy, and I were immediately returned to the Enterprise, but I had been told there was a second landing party to conduct further investigation. They found no trace of the culprit. Fortunately, the burns on both the captain and I were not as severe as predicted.

This time I had occupied the bed next to his. I had been awake for approximately two hours, twenty minutes, and thirty-seven seconds. I looked over as the captain seemed to be waking up. He looked back at me.

"Spock? What happened?" he asked tiredly.

"I pulled you out of a fire."

"You saved my life?"

"Yes, in fact I did."

He smiled. "Thank you." He expressed his gratitude as predicted.

After the captain and I were released from sickbay I was walking to the bridge when Nyota Uhura had approached me in an angered fashion. I was expecting her to yell at me but instead she first slapped me across the face, likely leaving a light green handprint on my cheek.

I looked back at her. "Lieutenant may I asked what I had done to make you feel anger towards me?"

"You know what you did!" she yelled.

Yelling was unnecessary. I could hear her just fine. and raising her voice was illogical despite being angry. I had wished she would lower her voice so that we wouldn't disturb any crew members that were trying to rest in their quarters. My thought changed focus and I had wondered what it was I 'did'.

"You could have died Spock! You didn't have to go in there! Why do you always put his needs in front of everyone else's?!" she continued to yell.

"Nyota, if you would lower your voice…-"

I was interrupted by her once again unnecessary yelling. "So you don't care what would happen if you would have died?! Didn't we already have this talk?! Why is the captain so important to you?!"

A few people had peeked their heads out the doors of their quarters and looking around after hearing all the noise.

"The captain is my friend and my superior." I responded calmly compared to her.

"I don't care! You shouldn't care for him more than you care for me!"

Before I could even respond she stomped off. Jealousy? It was apparent she was jealous of the captain. I continued walking to the bridge until I once again saw her in her rampage of anger coming back at me.

"Also Spock, what we had is over!"

So this is what breaking up is like? Humans certainly make it seem much more complex in the media. If Lieutenant Uhura is to get mad if my attention is on anyone else then maybe it might be best for it to be this way. I don't see why she takes offense to me helping my friend and captain. Is this what all dating is like? It all seems too illogical to make sense. It certainly seems like something I do not want to take part in again. However my experience, expanding further on my knowledge on the subject seems logical. Definitely not my area of expertise. Maybe Uhura had built up frustration because our relationship had not included sexual intercourse? Or maybe because I do not show emotion. From my studies humans often need to be told the words 'I love you'. That is definitely not something I would do, or plan on doing. This was a subject I find most perplexing, and certainly not consisting of logic. It would be best to divert my thoughts onto a different matter. My shift was to start soon anyways.

It was a usual day, but when I returned to my quarters I couldn't sleep. I stared at the ceiling and let my thoughts consume me. Why does the captain serve as such an important person in my life? My thoughts went back to the incident involving Khan. I can't deny to myself the feelings I had felt then. When the captain had died I had wanted to hold him. I didn't want him to leave me. My feelings overwhelmed me and it felt… Well, it felt indescribable. There is no way I can think of to describe the pain and agony I felt at that moment. When the life had escaped the captain's eyes, a lot of that sadness had been replaced by utter anger. After that I had nearly beaten Khan, a superhuman who is nearly invincible, to death with my bare hands. And then when he was revived, I had never felt such happiness and relief.

Emotions were something I have worked my whole life on trying not to feel. But this individual man had the ability to make me feel such emotions with ease. I felt confused. I admit I do care for him greatly. But what does he mean to me? Was I intended to feel this way if Nero had not changed time? Maybe I should seek the help of an old friend...

The next day I sat in my quarters waiting. I sat vertically on my bed and leaned against the wall. When I heard a knock on the door I knew exactly who it was.

"Come in." I said and and the door opened.

"Hello, Mister Spock." he said, walking in.

"Hello, Mister Spock."

"I see you have some questions. As you know, I intend to avoid telling you as much important information as possible so that you can continue your five year journey as you would."

I nodded in understanding. "My inquiry regards only my own thoughts, feelings, and emotions,"

He gave me a single nod.

"How do I feel towards Captain James T. Kirk?" I asked.

I watched as my older self sat quietly for a moment, reminiscing. I gave him the moment of silence until he finally responded.

"I see you are confused with your emotions. I must admit, Jim Kirk has been the most important man in my life." he said, sitting down in a seat.

I can see there is no difference in our altered timeline. The captain is still the man I care for most.

"Have you ever considered… a romantic relationship involving him?"

Knowing myself, and he is me, I would probably feel uncomfortable upon being asked such a question. There was another long pause.

"This is a most uncomfortable subject, but I cannot lie to myself. I have had feelings for Jim Kirk that I have not felt for anyone else."

Upon hearing those words I felt heat to my cheeks. I imagine my face was probably a light shade of green. It was quite embarrassing, but I had no reason to be embarrassed around myself.

"However," he continued. "I had not done anything with these feelings in a romantic way. We instead continued to be the best of friends for many, many years."

I was both relieved and slightly disappointed. What he said told me that what I was feeling was not some sort of illusion. But I still didn't know if the captain had felt these feelings towards me too. But I felt relief to know that him and I continued our friendship, even after our mission.

"Could you tell me about your version of Jim Kirk?" I asked.

He looked over at the wall, once again seeming to be reminiscing.

"He is the only one to make me smile completely under my own free will."

I don't know if I had shown a look of surprise after he said that. I certainly felt it. Then I simply raised an eyebrow.

"Fascinating."

After the talk with Spock Prime, my daily life had been slightly altered. Every day went on as usual except the captain had consumed most of my thoughts. Most inefficient for my work. There were a few times where he would talk to me, sometimes not relating to our work. Not unusual. He often did that on any other usual day. But I felt a feeling of nervousness when he did, which was new. I trust in my skill of hiding emotion that my thoughts weren't apparent.

It was logical to do research on Human romance. I looked into a variety of literature. I mostly looked into the books of 21st century Earth. I had to know whether or not the captain felt the same way towards me as I did him. I decided to try to flirt as humans did in the books I had read. If he responded positively then we could possibly go into a relationship. If he responded negatively then I could probably get away with dubbing it as experimental research in the responses of humans.

One day I was in the cafeteria room on my lunch break. As usual, the captain came to sit by me.

"Hey, Spock." he said, setting his plate on the table and sitting in the seat next to me.

"Hello captain."

"Listen, uh… what happened between you and Lieutenant Uhura last week… What she did was pretty harsh. I know you have no experience in these sort of situations so if you need to talk about it I know how it feels." he said with a kind smile.

I felt my heart flutter a bit. It was incredibly kind for the captain to say such things. I didn't really need to talk about Uhura. I was long over it. But for the captain to show such concern made me feel happy.

"That is greatly kind of you, captain."

He smiled again. I think I might have been blushing. I glanced at his hand resting on the table. I was a bit hesitant, but I reached out my hand and put it on top of his. I watched his eyes widen in surprise and his cheeks turn a bit pink. However, he didn't retract his hand. To humans this was a common form of flirtation. On Vulcan such physical contact is much more major. I think his response could be considered positive. The rest of the day had gone on as any usual day.

A few days later we were on a planet that was very amazon-like. The landing party had split up, and I was alone with the captain. We found ourselves watching a river that looked beautiful as the sun shone through the trees and reflected on the moving water that maneuvered through the rocks.

"Beautiful, isn't it Spock?" he said, in more of a statement than a question.

"Rather." I said in agreement.

We had our silence, simply admiring the beautiful landscape. I had daringly decided to make another move and took hold of his hand. Once again, he didn't pull away. We stood like that for a while longer until I let go of his hand and we went on to continue our search on the amazon.

Flirtations like these were repeated. I increased physical contact more by standing closer to him than I normally would, touching or grabbing his hand, etc. I also began giving him considerably more compliments than I normally would, usually relating to the decisions he makes on the missions we take part in. However, I mostly took actions in these 'flirtations' when we are alone, considering how most humans enjoy taking part in gossip.

I have always been a bit of an insomniac. It always took me a while to fall asleep so if I was deprived of it I would end up extremely tired in the morning. One night another new thing happened. I usually don't dream, or forget them upon waking up. This one I remember perfectly. It was rather… erotic. And it involved myself and none other than the captain. I woke up to find a mess in my bed. Most unfortunate. By the time I changed my sheets, showered, and changed my clothes I only had a half an hour left of sleeping time. I couldn't go back to sleep. If I went back to bed now I would sleep through my alarm and be late to my shift. Today certainly didn't get off to a good start...


End file.
